Description:

"Calling all of you facially hirsute throwbacks out there, gather up and deliver your fine self, along with your inner and outer beards to the House of the Automatic Subconscious, where we shall take the time to parade you before us like so much hairy meat and pass judgment upon those locks and curls that cascade off of the area known as your chinny-chin-chin. There will be 4 prime categories: Full-Beard, Moustache, Freestyle Full Beard, Fake Beard and quite probably not possibly, an 'Other' category. As per usual in this sort of event, our highly esteemed panel of untrained professionals will judge upon such features as glossiness of pelt, lack of nits, creativity, fullness of body, amount of previous dinner ensconced within and other equally tangible parameters that attest to the care and feeding of your personal face troll. Bribery and foolishness are considered de rigueur. All that is necessary is that you have some form of facial hair, a good and jolly spirit, and the necessary accoutrement of a cummerbund. One must have the proper air of formality around such an event as this, do not you agree?"